


Lucius Lies

by wynnebat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-27
Updated: 2012-01-27
Packaged: 2018-02-21 03:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2453267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynnebat/pseuds/wynnebat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucius tells Sirius how Hogwarts students really get sorted, with a little Slytherin embellishment of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lucius Lies

At fourteen years old, Lucius was well acquainted with boredom, not that anyone would have believed him had he said so at any point in his life. As the Malfoy heir, he had everything: money, fame, family, intelligence, and most importantly, cunning. Unfortunately, his Slytherin mother also had cunning, and she had magically bound him to the ballroom until eight o'clock on the night of her birthday ball. She'd professed wanting to see his smiling face on her thirty-fifth birthday, but she'd only laughed and pinched his cheek when he told her he'd smiled at her thirty-fifth birthday three years ago.

Lucius would have been alright with the ball had his mother also not invited his year, the year below, and the year above of Slytherin girls. He hated when his mother was obvious; for one, it was Gryffindor-ish and he practically had an allergy to Gryffindors, and also if Lucius actually noticed his mother's manipulations, it meant she must have used the particular manipulation previously. And Lucius had truly thought Miranda Black and her parents had visited their summer house last year because their fathers needed to finalize a business agreement.

Lucius scowled as he noticed someone walking towards him out of the corner of his eye. If it was another girl looking for a dance partner, he'd—well, he couldn't refuse, but he'd accidentally-on-purpose arrange for someone to step on her dress robes! But it wasn't a girl, thankfully. It was one of his Black cousins, though he'd be damned if he could remember his name.

"Hello," the kid said, giving over his hand to Lucius. He was young, maybe ten at best, and still hadn't mastered the art of a good handshake, Lucius noted.

They let ago. "Hello. My name is Lucius." He'd found it best to give kids his first name only; after watching his youngest first cousin get his last name wrong thrice, he decided that pre-Hogwarts brains just weren't developed enough to grasp the concept of having two names.

"Yeah. I mean, yes. Lucius Malfoy, right? My dad told me to come say hello."

A real Slytherin, this one.

"I'm Sirius Black," the kid continued. "Wat'cha doing all the way over here for?"

Lucius shrugged, then checked to make sure he was still mostly hidden by the magical Dragon's Blood trees his mother had imported from Socotra Magical Greenhouses. "I don't want to dance."

"Oh." The kid sat down on the floor with his back to the wall, and Lucius refrained from ordering the kid back up. Sirius' dirty dress robes would be his mother's problem, not Lucius'. "Why not? Girls are pretty." The phrase sounded parroted, as if Sirius wasn't quite sure if he believed it or not.

"I don't want to marry straight out of Hogwarts like my parents are hoping. I've told them a million times, but they keep saying I'll soon fall in love and immediately start raising the pureblood population." Lucius eyed the ground, then sat down next to the kid. "I don't think they'd even be bothered if I knock up a girl while at school as long as she'd somewhat handsome and pureblooded."

Sirius stared at him wide-eyed. "You mean I have to get married when I go to Hogwarts? To a girl?"

Lucius considered being honest for once in his life, then weighed the amount of fun he'd have being honest and the amount of fun he'd have being dishonest, and the two just didn't compare. Lucius put an arm around the kid's shoulders. "Little cousin, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but has anyone told you what you really have to do to get sorted?"

He felt more than saw the kid shake his head. "No," the kid answered.

"There's a big, scary giant that takes you to Hogwarts on these itty-bitty decrepit boats. Then, he leads you into a huge room called the Great Hall. There you'll see a hat. The hat will tell you who your One True Love is and then tells you your House based on how beautiful she is. Well, and your blood status and intelligence," he amended in case Lady Black got a hold of the kid's story. She'd like that part.

Sirius' mouth dropped open. "Really? So who's your One True Love?"

"Um." Lucius picked off all the girls in his year as too annoying, too unattractive, too dark-haired, and too boring. "The hat couldn't tell me. She hasn't been born yet, maybe. But she's French," Lucius decided with a nod, because he loved French accents.

"Lucius? Is that you? I've been searching for you all night. Will you dance with me?" a voice from behind the tree called out. Lucius stood up, waved the kid goodbye, and amused himself with thoughts of his mother being charmed into a troll.

x

One year later, Sirius Black still hadn't matured into a girl-loving boy, mostly because of the awful muggle girl next door who wouldn't leave his baby brother alone. She somehow stalked him whenever he stepped outside their London house. If she were a witch, Sirius would've thought she was using a Point Me charm.

Now that he was going to Hogwarts, he wouldn't be able to protect Regulus from his stalker, Sirius thought glumly, looking out the window of his and James' train compartment. They'd snagged an almost empty one in the very back; the other occupant was a sleeping boy who looked close to them in age, but probably wasn't a first year. Sirius couldn't imagine sleeping on the train ride to the most awesome place in the world, Hogwarts.

Thinking of girls reminded Sirius of what Lucius Malfoy had told him, ages ago. What Lucius had originally told him had been lost to the layers of a preteen boy's memory, but Sirius distinctly remembered him saying something about and marriage and a hat.

"Psstt, James," he whispered, hoping not to wake up the weird boy in the corner of their train compartment.

"Yeah?" James asked, leaning in.

"I know what we have to do to get sorted!"

"Seriously? Dad wouldn't tell me. Said it was a secret. Go on, tell me."

"We have to decide who we want to marry." At James' disbelieving look, Sirius nodded frantically. "It's true! Lucius Malfoy told me, and he's older than us. I think he's a sixth year."

"Nah. We can't really decide now, right? Girls are. . . I dunno. Do you know any girls?"

"Remember my cousin Bella?" Sirius asked wryly, trying not to remember.

James paled and stuffed a chocolate frog in his mouth.

"That's the only girl I really know. Mum likes her a lot and has her come over every week to teach her stuff. She won't teach me anything," Sirius grumbled.

"Do you really want to know whatever your Mum's teaching Bella?"

The sleeping boy shifted and they looked over at him, but he didn't seem to have awoken.

"Probably not. Anyway, he said we'll be led to the castle on boats by a giant, so make sure you aren't crushed by it."

James crossed his arms and leaned back. "No way. I'm not believing that. Your cousin has to be lying."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius jeered, jumping on his best friend and wrestling him to the floor of the compartment.

It was then that the boy in the corner woke up, but by that time all the two boys cared about was winning the impromptu wrestling match.

x

James gulped. "That's a giant," he whispered, staring at the man leading them over to a lake. "And there's the boats..." He looked over at his best friend. "Malfoy's right," he said with dawning horror.

"Right," Sirius answered, unable to really gloat. They stared at the surrounding girls. "She's kind of pretty." He pointed at a tall brown-haired girl. "Maybe I can choose her as my future wife?"

James would never admit it, but he wanted his mom. Sirius went over to the girl he'd pointed out, asking for her name, and James thought it might've been Marlene. But he was allowed some inattention; this was the biggest moment of his life! He need to pick out the perfect girl to be his future wife.

He got into a boat with Sirius, Sirius' girl, and some other girl, and stared hard at the other boats. It was getting dark and he couldn't see the faces in the other boats very clearly. How was he supposed to find his wife now? What if he couldn't find one and the hat made him marry a girl like Bellatrix Black?

"What're you looking at?" the girl beside him asked, and James turned to face her.

"I'm looking for a girl," he answered, feeling awkward.

The girl blinked. "Who?"

"I don't know."

The girl scratched her head. "Well, I'm a girl."

James stared at her and slowly smiled. She was pretty and red-haired like his mum. "Yeah, you're definitely a girl. What's your name?"

"Lily Evans."

James held out his hand. "I'm James Potter. We're going to get married."

One hard hit with a book (that'd come out of nowhere; what did she need a book on a boat for, anyway?) and one sorting later, James decided that Slytherins were evil. Seeing a scowling Sirius next to him, James thought he also agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Complete; no sequel planned.


End file.
